| So, I've been eating less, and less.. And what I do eat, I purge. And sometimes I binge, and then I purge at least 3 times, until I'm sure that the stinging in the pit of my throat is my stomach acid lurching itself upwards, because it's all that's left in my system. And then I feel better, and I do it all over again. I'm too afraid to weigh myself, because if it's not to my expectations, I probably won't get out of bed for a few days, because that's how depressed I'll be. I've become pathetic.
I kind of don't feel alive anymore. I mean, I live in a daze. Except when I'm with my very dear friend, because she understands exactly how I feel, and she feels the same. We drink together, her and I die together. We're happy, and we're sad. We're manic, and we're insane. We understand the darkest pits of eachothers minds and souls, that no one else would even dare question, or tread. We're in love. I mean, as platonically in love as one can be.
So for now, I sit... I sit in my lovely, blurry daze. I'm listening to Alice in Chains, and thinking how lovely a long, long slumber would be. But God knows, I never get to sleep much these days. I'm either on something that keeps me up all night, or my mind toils, and turns at a swift 580 mph, making it impossible for my eyes to stay shut... <3Stay strong. |
